Why Are You Staying in a Bad, Unhealthy Relationship? The Top 18 Reasons
You think you are in an unhealthy relationship.
Deep down you KNOW you are in a bad relationship.
Most of the time you try to endure the dysfunction and pain. Instead of a fulfilled life with profound moments of connection and happiness, your relationship causes you dejection, shame, anger, sadness, anxiety, or fear.
Perhaps your partner even is a weight dragging you back from thriving in life. Your health, finances, career/business, friendships, passion, purpose, or dreams are hit regularly with a sledgehammer.
Your partner is not a source of strength, support, inspiration, laughter, joy, calm, comfort, and deep connection.
On the contrary, it could be worse. Instead of an absence of positivity, affection, kindness, fun, and love, your relationship could be making your physically or mentally sick.
So why are you staying in this bad relationship?
Please don’t panic or cringe. Berating yourself for staying in an unhealthy relationship is not the answer.
Discovering the reason why you are staying in is the key that will unlock the door to healing and action to improve your life. So what’s your motivation?
Security, safety, comfort
Are you staying because your partner provides you with security, safety, or comfort?
Your partner could be earning the only income. You fear striking out on your own because you aren’t sure if you can make a living on your own. Or you know that you won’t be able to maintain the same level of lifestyle if you leave.
If it isn’t the financial security that is keeping you in the wrong relationship, is it the comfort? Your relationship may not be a source of fun, happiness, joy, affection, and inspiration, but you know your partner will be there for you no matter what.
You are convinced that your partner will be there to support you in the case of an illness, accident, tragedy, or even a bad day. You aren’t willing to give up this source of security and comfort.
Mask for your Inner Thorns
Staying in a bad relationship can mask the inner pain and blockages holding you as a hostage. You’ve found someone who knows your pain points and has learned to either tiptoe around them, or fight you about them, but still stay with you.
Or is it that you don’t particularly like your partner, but you need them to love you? You need the definite confirmation that someone will stay with you despite your flaws.
Do you have a hole of loneliness within you, and your relationship is what masks the gap? No, the bad relationship does not fill the void, but it does offer a convincing cover to hide what’s lurking beneath the surface.
Fear of being alone
Your relationship is devoid of deep, loving connection and happiness, but you are not alone. Leaving the lousy relationship would mean venturing out on your own.
You fear loneliness.
You think you’ll never find someone new with whom to share your life. Or perhaps you believe you could find someone new, but you won’t be lucky enough to find a better relationship. All relationships have problems.
You’re willing to endure the suffering of staying if it means you don’t risk being alone.
Low self-esteem
Do you believe in your value? Everywhere else in your life you are confident and balanced. In your relationship, it’s an entirely different story. You aren’t sure that you deserve better than the wretchedness you tolerate.
You don’t want to admit it to anyone that part of you feels broken. You know only too well your faults, weaknesses, and deep emotional fissures. Who are you to demand a relationship full of kindness, patience, comfort, laughter, support, affection, and inspiration?
Hope
You believe people can change. Relationships can improve. Things will get better. You’re not the sort of person to give up when the going gets tough.
You believe that your partner is the way they are because of previous trauma or life experiences. Deep down, they are a wonderful person. If you can work through the issues, you will be able to have the relationship of your dreams.
Sure, in the meantime life in the relationship is pure misery. You aren’t getting much in the way of affection, support, kindness, happiness, or comfort. It doesn’t matter. You trust things will turn around, eventually.
Ego
Your relationship isn’t that bleak and abysmal. Sure, you don’t look forward to going home and seeing your partner. You fight or don’t talk for days. You can’t remember the last time you had a deep connecting conversation, but it doesn’t matter.
You can put up with the lack of tranquility and joy in your relationship because your partner critically feeds your ego.