How to be Happy & Successful: the Sweet Spot Between Effort & Letting Go

Setting Goals is NOT the Answer

Striving toward happiness is instinctive. So why do we find ourselves forcing ourselves forward grimly in the pursuit of goals?

Parents, teachers, managers, self-help gurus, and the person next to you on the bus all are saying that you need to set goals to achieve success. Success will make you happy. Set still more goals and keep the wheel rolling until you rejoin the stardust.

Guess what? They’re all wrong.

A setting of goals is not the answer. Goals will make you neither successful nor happy.

There is a high statistical probability that goal setting will make you downright depressed and desperate. After all, according to Statistic Brain, 9.2% of Americans felt they were successful in achieving their New Year's Resolution in 2017.

If less than 90% of people are succeeding in meeting their goals, then it's no wonder that only around 40% of Americans set a New Year's Resolution.

It’s too painful to fail.

It isn't that you are lazy, or don't want to reach for a balanced life of success, health, love, and bliss. It can seem impossible. Setting goals toward getting there, and failing to achieve them, can leave us feeling worse than having never hoped for a better life at all.

So if a setting of goals isn't the answer, then what is?

There are people out there losing weight, finishing books, improving their relationships, starting a meditation practice, training for marathons, learning a new instrument, completing further education, quitting smoking, eating healthier, and starting a regular, consistent yoga practice each morning.

If goals didn’t result in their success, then what did?

Your Unique Success & Happiness Recipe

Do you want to shift your life toward more success and happiness?

Your first step is to contemplate what success and happiness mean to you.

Sure, happiness to me could be a minimalistic home and clean, white space, and the sound of doves cooing in my garden as I drink espresso and write. Another’s happiness is the uplift of laughing with new friends while rafting down white rapids.

You have your unique happiness recipe. Add:

¼ cup of solitude,

a colossal helping of quality time with loved ones here,

a cup of making forward progress at work,

a half cup of learning, a dash of adventure,

and a final sprinkle of meditation

and voila: happiness.

Find your ideal mix, and you will learn how to manifest a life that brings balance, contentment, and joy.

How much do you need on a daily and weekly basis of the following:

Solitude

Exercise

Quality time with Family and Friends

Adventure & Novelty

Meditation or Prayer

Learning

Work

Relaxation

The next step is to define what success means to YOU. Write down, yes, put pen to paper, and write down your definition of success. Be honest and authentic.

Now you have your happiness recipe and definition of success. You can work backward from your ideal life to the steps needed to get there. Turn the steps into daily and weekly habits that produce pleasure and avoid pain.

Do you want to know a secret to make it easier?

Connect your habits, so one always triggers a few minutes of joy before starting the next habit in the sequence. The few minutes of joy between habit activities is critical. The brain and body crave pleasure. Infuse your sequence of actions with rewards to cement them into habits.

Celebrating incremental wins will trigger the release of endorphins in your brain and body and reinforce the habit you want to form.

Within sixty-six days you will require less or no willpower to wake up and flow through activities that improve your health, well-being, work and personal success, relationships, and joy.

The magic trick to habit formation success is never to miss a day of your habit flows.

Can you use weekends, holidays, vacations, and illness to break from your new routine? No.

When you're short on time, shrink each activity in your habit flow down to two to five minutes each.

You may think that two minutes of each habit is worthless. Two minutes of running? Two minutes of meditating, writing, learning, or quality time with family? By the time you lace up your shoes or turn on your computer, the two minutes are over. What is two minutes of writing, or running going to accomplish?

The answer is maintaining the circuit.

Imagine it is snowing and kids show up to sled through the pristine white snow. By the end of the morning, there is a smooth trail down the hill.

If the kids all go home and don't come back until the next morning to sled, then the smooth sledding trail will get covered up by the falling snow.

Doing two minutes of each habit in your sequence keeps the sledding trails clear of snow. You will preserve your habits and progress.

Habits, Flow & Setting Intentions

Have you taken time to brainstorm and write out your habit flow? What are you waiting for to start?

Don’t make the mistake of being unrealistic.

How likely are you to go from never lacing up your running shoes to waking up and running for thirty minutes tomorrow morning?

Is it realistic to set a goal of waking up half an hour early to sit in lotus pose when you have never meditated?

Start with between five to twenty minutes for each activity. You can always increase your running or meditation time in the future.

A habit flow could look like this:

Wake up and immediately smile

Drink a half liter of water

Do twenty minutes of yoga.

Meditate for five minutes

Study for twenty minutes

Enjoy coffee and breakfast with loved ones.

Read ten minutes

Get ready for work

Listen to inspirational audiobooks on the commute

Get a cup of tea or your favorite coffee drink.

Set an intention for the first hour of work and set the timer

Work for sixty minutes undisturbed on a medium or long-term project in a state of flow.

Stop the timer and record the progress achieved

Desk stretch for two minutes

Set an intention for the next hour of work and start the timer

Sixty more minutes of flow

Stop the timer and record the progress achieved

You may notice two crucial elements at the end of this habit flow sequence. One is: to dedicate the first hour of the workday to medium or long-term projects. The other is to set an intention for the hour of work followed by starting a timer. Both actions will result in an upward curve in short and long-term efficacy and productivity at work.

Cementing work on long-term projects first thing in your workday will aid you in succeeding. It's too easy to let short-term emergencies, people interrupting your workday, or email steal your attention away from what you need to do to be successful in the future. Entering a state of flow first thing in the morning in the long-term will add up.

Measuring performance will enable you to improve over time and track your progress. Meanwhile, setting an intention for each hour of work in the morning will support you in attaining higher productivity.

You will also get a rush of dopamine each hour that you stop the clock and see that you have achieved your set intention. The rush of positive brain chemicals will give you an uplift in mood and motivation. Stretching or moving for two minutes each hour after the clock stops will charge your body and brain with more energy.

When you set an intention for an hour of work and start the timer, you will be more likely to enter a state of flow. With the clock ticking you will be far less likely to procrastinate, waste time surfing the internet or chatting with colleagues, or allow yourself to check your email. Like a runner when the gun has gone off, your focus will be on the finish line.

By lunchtime, you will have achieved measurable progress in your long and short-term work. The feeling of accomplishment will elevate your spirits and take the pressure off the afternoon. You may find yourself working through your emails one by one calmer and more efficiently than you ever have before.

The Joy Experiment

What gives you joy in two to ten minutes?

Try out a list of things that could give you a lift in peace, contentment, pleasure, and connection. Experiment with what you can schedule into your day.

Yes, you can schedule joy into your daily life.

By creating your go-to list of joy, you create a refuge. You have a place to turn to when negative emotions swamp your soul and leave you feeling stuck. Instead of running towards short-term fixes, you can uplift in ways to aid your long-term wellness.

Instead of a fifth cup of coffee or donut, you may head outside to take a stroll through the park.

Meditate on the soothing sound of the wind in the trees and the flow of your breath for a few minutes. You will find relief and boost your energy levels without the sugar rush.

Break free of habitual patterns.

If you pour a glass of wine to take the edge off a stressful day, seek out a replacement. Pull your sled out of its habitual track. Take a bath with lavender essential oil, ask your spouse for a cuddle and a neck massage, or curl up with your kids.

now it's your turn to: TAKE ACTION :)