Escaping Blank Time and Space
Open time and space can appear as a waste.
Why wait for a bus or train just stand there when you can listen to an inspirational podcast, scan through social media, read the news, check emails, or do some other technology-enabling activity?
If your attention is constantly engaged, you are sabotaging your happiness.
Your brain, body, and emotional equilibrium crave time and room to just be. No, I’m not talking about scheduling in meditation, or mindfulness. You can open yourself up to more happiness if you let your mind float.
Boredom while waiting in line, in the car, on the train, while walking, or while waiting for a meeting or appointment to start is what your mind needs to unleash creativity.
Giving your mind open space to make new connections, imagine, reanalyze from a new perspective, or just drift can lead to flashes of insight and innovation.
It doesn’t matter who you are. You can be an engineer, designer, or retired to benefit from an increase in creative capacity.
Your flash of insight could be the fuel to finish your book, fix a business challenge, an answer to a personal problem, a way to improve your community, or just what to do on the weekend to create a beautiful experience and memory for yourself, friends, or family.
Stop running from blank time and space and you could find yourself smiling and starting up an uplifting conversation with a stranger, or noticing the beauty of a tree or the clouds floating by.
Open attention can allow you to tune into the signals of your body and emotions so you can seek out a rebalance. You may decide you need a walk, a yoga session after work, a healthy snack, a few deep breaths, a connection or a hug when you get home, emotional release, a mood-elevating social session, or some time for quiet solitude.
Who knew that so much could be gained by allowing boredom a place back into your life?
Judging and Ranking People in Worth
From whom can you learn? Who is of more success or worth than another?
You are sabotaging your happiness if you judge and rank people. Your most inspiring wisdom could come from the most unexpected person. A job opportunity or life change could be generated from a person you never expected could help you. Caring and loving support could arrive during a difficult time from someone you could never have predicted.
There is also the misconception in society that the very young and old have little to give. You can open yourself up to more happiness by seeing everyone, children and elderly included, as sources of inspiration and joy.
In truth our children have just as much, if not more, to teach us than we can teach them. Children hold up a mirror to show who we are, throwing up all our flaws, weaknesses, and bad habits. They push us to evolve and unfurl toward the best version of ourselves.
Quick and often to laugh, loving and playful, children can reawaken some of the best ways to access happiness daily. Children are a window to what raw joy, curiosity, and wonder look like.
The old no longer work and look diminished, so the Western collective illusion is that they have nothing to give society and are unhappy. The truth is that many elders have deep wisdom to share. They know how to savor simple pleasures and understand the power of love and forgiveness to triumph over current drama.
Wise, they draw attention to the reality that life is short, and we shouldn’t put off our life’s mission and dreams until an ever retracting tomorrow.
You are sabotaging your happiness if you don’t open yourself up to learning from everyone, the young and old included.
Believing in the Collective Illusion of Success
Collective illusions are powerful. You may not even be cognizant of how illusions are driving and tormenting you, day after day.
One such collective illusion is that to be successful you need to be wealthy, famous, powerful, and/or massively influential.
While it is true that some successful people are certainly one or all of the above, some tread lightly upon the earth, hurting none and loving deeply.
Others leave traces that only after their death resonate outwards, touching and inspiring people in compelling ways.
There are those successful individuals who suffer illness, tragedy, or hurt, and grow strength within themselves to live with quiet courage and positivity.
You are sabotaging your happiness if you believe in the collective illusion of success, and consider yourself a failure, or not yet quite a success, perpetually.
You can decide to let go of the illusion and create your own definition of success mapped by both external and internal markers. How do you want to evolve in terms of character, spiritual development, finding financial contentment, relationships, adventures, life projects, giving to others, and health?
Relax the Grip of Perfectionism and Comparison
You are sabotaging your happiness if you are clutching perfectionism or letting yourself dive into comparison.
You may never earn enough money to afford the car your neighbor has or be as fashionably dressed as your best friend. You could never reach the top rung of the career ladder, or throw a party that is as delightful as your sister. You may never finish a marathon run, manage to pull up into a handstand in yoga class, get six-pack abs, or lose those ten pounds.
Retrain your focus away from control and sweat-inducing toil to the sweet spot between effort and release. The answer is not to just not care and give up, nor is it to push yourself into an anxiety, jealousy, or depressing state of desperation.
In place of perfectionism and comparison, try turning your attention both outwards and inwards.
Check-in for some self-reflection on what you need for health and well-being in mind, body, and soul. Write down your key values and three life goals you are working toward right now.
You may just find yourself looking at the whole picture much more often, which will free you from perfectionism and comparing yourself to others. You are unique, as is your combination of strengths, weaknesses, experiences, values, dreams, goals, and relationships.
Sure, you will never be able to afford fancy vacations or the neighbor’s car, but you and your wife are devoted to one another and you like your job. Yes, your best friend always looks fabulous, but you use your time and money toward your training to do a marathon on each of the seven continents. Yes, your house is a mess and your Mom is a domestic goddess, but you are working full-time in a challenging job and your kids are happy and thriving.
Next, ask and become aware of what the people around you need versus want to be happy. You will probably be surprised to find that people don’t care about what you are making yourself crazy over.
Your kids may not appreciate the fancy Christmas dinner and perfect holiday you are trying to whip up and would prefer you to direct that energy to sledding with them and making homemade pizzas together afterward.
Your husband may not care about a spotless home and would prefer you spend time every night going for a walk with him after dinner.
Your boss may not care that you are terrible at administrative budgeting, and be thrilled to re-distribute that work to someone else so you can take on more customer relationship management, at which you excel.
You are sabotaging your happiness if you don’t search out a reality check from those around you. They may not even want what you are stressing about not being able to do well and want more of something else you aren’t doing enough because it comes easily, or you just didn’t think of it.
Not Generating Energy
You can generate energy that doesn’t come from a cup of coffee or more rest. On the contrary, you are sabotaging your happiness if you don’t exercise and move every day of your life.
Exercise doesn’t wear you out; it generates energy to fuel you to live a successful and joyful life. Continuing it move on and off all day long keeps the generator of energy going so you are filled with vibrant life and vigor until bedtime.
Learn to understand the needs of your body, mind, and emotional landscape. While a heart-raising workout once a day for at least twenty minutes is critical to generating energy, the rest of the day you may recharge with gentle movement. Yoga, stretches, qi gong, tai chi, pilates, working in the garden, or going for a stroll can all reawaken energy with soft movement and trained deep breathing.
Not Knowing Your Needs, Wants, and Boundaries
You are sabotaging your happiness if you don’t know, or won’t accept, your own needs, wants, and boundaries.
You could be someone who needs a period of quiet solitude every day to be happy. Or you could need to connect with friends, family, or new people daily to feel energized and cheerful.
Wants to differ from needs. You may want some time to read every evening, but not need it to feel balanced, whereas your sister needs quality time one-on-one time with a friend or family member each evening or suffers. So you spend time with your sister instead of reading.
Your body may need an hour of intense exercise, or thirty minutes of more gentle, heart-raising activity to feel strong, healthy, and energized.
Your bedroom may be a sanctuary and someone sleeping in your bed feels like a violation of your boundaries, whereas someone else wouldn’t mind. You may be physically affectionate and open to hugs from anyone, whereas someone else only feels comfortable hugging close family members, or no one at all.
Knowing your needs, wants, and boundaries empowers you to plan and shape your life so that you can feel balanced and happy.
Not Scheduling in Joy Moments and Savoring
Do you schedule joyful moments into each day and savor them? You are sabotaging your happiness if you aren’t.
Joy moments can be delighting in the first cup of coffee of the day while walking through your garden or watching the sunrise, cuddling with a loved one or pet, reading a good book, enjoying a glass of wine while talking with friends or family, taking a work-break to walk through the park, eating a decadent dessert, laughing at a comedy show, or something else. What pushes you into a state of natural wonder, connection, contentment, and uplift?
Make your own personal go-to list and schedule joy moments into your day to savor with full awareness in the present moment.
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