How do I Love Myself and Feel More Confident?
Sure, you’ve heard it countless times. ‘Love yourself.’
It sounds like a good idea.
In fact, you want to feel the love and self-assurance.
You’re willing to do what it takes to get from where you are now to this new state of being. But how do you get to the point of radiating self-confidence? You may not know exactly WHAT TO DO to start feeling the serenity and bliss of self-love.
THE ULTIMATE TOOL FOR SELF-LOVE AND CONFIDENCE: Do a 20 Minute Daily Hypnosis for Self Love, Being Worthy, Courageous, Empowered
1. Make A 30-Minute Date in Your Schedule
The first step to loving yourself and being more confident is to invest thirty minutes of time every day, yes every day, that you spend with yourself.
Spend this 30 minutes of time with yourself doing something that uplifts you, improves your health, gets you in touch with your spirituality, or brings you into a state of flow.
Now, I am almost certain that you will not like the second part of this date: be sure to detox during this time from all things digital. Go out for a walk, journal, meditate, do some yoga, or even organize your sock drawer. It doesn’t matter what you are doing as long as you are taking time to settle into the quiet and get to know yourself.
What do you value?
What brings you joy?
What are you naturally good at? What brings you easily into a state of flow where you lose a sense of time and the world around you?
How do you want to show up in the world?
What does a perfect day for you look like?
What do you use to comfort, re-balance, or uplift yourself when you are stressed, sad, angry, or feeling other negative emotions such as fear?
The more you get to know you, the more self-love will grow. The first step is to spend more time with yourself on a daily basis.
2. Watch The Thought Clouds
As you let go of digital stimulation and settle into the quiet it will be easier to watch your thoughts as they float through your mind.
Are your thoughts positive, negative, or neutral? Are they helpful? Do they lift you up?
Take time to analyze your thought patterns. Do you talk to yourself like someone would talk to their beloved friend or grandchild?
You can choose to talk to yourself in a more loving way. Go ahead a build yourself up in your mind. I am not encouraging you to get out of touch with reality and become a self-involved ego-maniac. I am asking you to recognize your own strengths and celebrate them. Acknowledge the weakness you have and mistakes you make, take action to correct the situation, forgive yourself, and move on feeling light-hearted again.
Are your thoughts circling around and around in anxiety, fear, anger, or sadness? People say ‘think positive’ but I find this too vague to help. Gratitude works better.
You can choose to bring your attention over and over again to everything you are grateful for in your life. Start with the easy, like gratitude for running warm and cold water, sunlight, fresh air, and the love in your heart, and move on to all the other blessings in your life. Say over and over again in your head, ‘I am so grateful. I am so grateful. I am so grateful. I am so grateful for sunshine,” and then see where your heart takes you.
Anytime your thoughts get less than loving toward yourself, judgmental, or harsh, make a shift. Treat yourself like a beloved child, pet, or other loved one. Let gratitude pull your vibration upwards when your thoughts turn negative and then think of everything that can go right in your life in the future.
3. Set a 10 Minute Timer Twice a Day
Set a 10-minute timer twice a day and move your body. I don’t care what you do. I don’t care what you are wearing. Be naked, for all I care. Some people love doing their yoga naked (and it’s a whole lot less expensive than the Lulu lemon). Dance around in your underwear. Run around in circles on your front lawn. Or you know, just do some pushups and squats in your kitchen while waiting for pasta to boil.
It doesn’t matter what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, or what you are wearing. Just move that awesome body of yours for ten minutes, once a day, always.
Stuck at work for 12 hours, or at a conference? Climb stairs for ten minutes. Or you know, start to change the world by being different. Stand up and ask everyone in your workplace or at the conference to join you in some aerobics, yoga at the desk, or tai chi.
4. Learn to Say No with Equanimity
Is it easy for you to say a polite no?
Can you say no with grace and serenity when someone makes a request for your time, energy, or resources that you do not want to give?
Most people do not enjoy the experience of needing to say no, especially to loved ones, community members, and those they respect. If you find it difficult to say no, then you are not alone.
Learning to say no with equanimity is an important step to greater self-love. It is about sitting down and taking time in solitude to decide on your dreams, values, and what you want to give to those you love, yourself and the world.
Once you get clear on your priorities, then it becomes integral to you keeping your word to yourself to say no sometimes. Your time, energy, and resources need to flow to what you told yourself is most important.
Kind, loving, giving people in your life will understand and support you in holding true to your values and commitments. It may not be easy for them to get a refusal, but they genuinely want you to be healthy, happy, and fulfilling your life purpose.
Other people who may not be resonating at a place of positive emotion will not respond to your no well. Do not be pressured, talked-in-to, shamed, or ridiculed into doing what they want. You have a right to say no, and they need to respect your decision.
After all, when you love someone do you want them to say yes to their detriment?
Keep in mind that relationships need to flow in two ways. I’m not advocating you become narcissistic or fail to keep an equal balance of give and take in your relationships. I am suggesting that when you say yes, do it wholeheartedly. Or summon the bravery to explain that you are willing to say yes, but it is at a sacrifice. Otherwise, say no.
And guess what?
You do not need to explain why. You are allowed to just say no.
If you give reasons for your no, then those who are manipulative, want their way at all costs or have none of your interests at heart will use these reasons against you.
They will come up with counterarguments to each reason.
It’s hard to argue with a simple, lovingly said, ‘no’.
It may not be easy at first to say no and not feel negative emotions arise. Keep practicing. Send out kind, loving energy to the person as you offer the no. With time you will summon the inner strength to say no and have no residual negative feelings associated with the experience.
By saying no with ease and calm, you will be saying yes to you.
5. Know You Deserve to be Treated Well
Do you believe you deserve to be treated well?
Take a moment to think about this for a moment. What happens when someone doesn’t treat you well? How do you react?
Do you feel anger flare up within you into a rage?
Do you shrug your shoulders and brush it off?
Do you feel resentment, anxiety, or fear?
Do you feel, deep down, that somehow you deserve it?
Do you allow it to make you feel like a victim?
Do you react with shock?
Or do you suppress any or all of these emotions and search for a distraction from your negative feelings?
STOP.
I don’t care about who you are, where you live, what you have done, what you look like, what job you have, or any other criteria.
You deserve to be treated with dignity at the very least.
Take a deep breath in through the nose. Breathe out as slow as you can out of pursed lips.
More importantly, you deserve to treat everyone in your life and everyone you meet with politeness or kindness.
Not everyone is open to kindness and being polite is more appropriate. There are also some instances where it is more important to be either peaceful, calm, strong, or neutral, in order to protect yourself from harm. Otherwise, open up the floodgates and be kind.
It is even less about the other people than it is about who you will become. Becoming a person who is consistently serene and strong, neutral, polite, or kind to others creates inner strength and confidence.
Treating yourself with peace, firmness, politeness, and kindness creates more self-love.
THE ULTIMATE TOOL: Do a 20 Minute Daily Hypnosis for Self Love, Being Worthy, Courageous, Empowered